Private Territory.

Monday, May 31, 2010

I dropped my pen in the middle of biology tutorial just now in the library.

We started talking about university, appeals, and slim chances.

I thought about the offer I had at this current moment.

Nursing.

No don't get me wrong! It's not as if I'm repulsed by it; I just never thought of myself being a nurse. I know I considered healthcare before but just how willing and prepared am I to commit my whole life to a hospital? Of course, I wouldn't just stay here if I were to be a nurse. Like, maybe a few years here, then I'd venture abroad. I like the challenge, and nursing definitely sounds like an occupation that is able to give me a sense of satisfaction in life; helping others.

Yeh, I'd like that. (:

I look up to them actually. I know how reluctant I was to take up the job, how I keep telling smelly and those around me who want to take up nursing that it's a sucky job, ABSOLUTE SAIKANG that no one would go for unless graduation results were atrocious!

That's just plain bullshit. (Well okay; not all of it...)

They take up jobs people normally shun from. They contribute to the society, they are the angels in white and they are the ones who dedicate their lives to help others recover from whatever severe enough to put them in a ward in the first place. They fight unseen viruses, which I must admit, is pretty big a brave act! At least when soldiers fend their countries, they see their foes; people working in the health sector don't.

Brave. Noble, in fact.

I want to do something like that. Something meaningful. I like seeing people smile.

I don't like to be cooped up somewhere, running a regular job like everyone else.

I want an occupation, something to occupy my time (and at the same time provide me with an income as well, of course), not a job that pays me sky high but gives me utter zero sense of satisfaction.

I'm definitely not gonna be a mad nurse. No.

(Not unless you crank me up.)

So yes.

I was walking home just now thinking thinking thinking. Going for a nursing degree pretty much meant that I had to follow that path for pretty much the rest of my life. (On the other hand, if I really went with it, I want to go further to pursue a doctorate. :D)

So as you can see, I've been thinking a lot of late. I tried getting comments and feedback from my friends, but I guess everyone has their own priorities.

I know what I want. At least I think I do. Yet, I can't seem to find out which direction I should be heading.

Anyhowwws.

Imma go finish up my appeal letter to ntu; FINALLY.

And then I'll send it in, and I'd probably ponder a little more about what I really want.

See; I currently have these BOOMZ ideas:

1) Appeal for NTULMS.

-Like, write as good an appeal (and good selling points of myself) as I can muster.

Hopefully this will get me into LMS, and put an end to all my frets.

Now, say something bad happens with that NTU LMS appeal of mine.

2) Retake A levels.

-Like, study like a cracko.

-Get good grades; may it be FANTABULOUS! Pawn the louse ones I received this March 5th.

-While waiting for results and admission into NTULMS, work throughout and save enough money for exchange programs and immersions trips to France/Switzerland/Belgium.

-Master French.

3) Take up Nursing

-Well, should my appeal to FASS fail, that is.

Well so basically these are the two routes I have left.

And I pretty much foresee myself taking the second.

Gosh, I really hope an answer/message comes to me soon.

I'll be waiting by my postbox-slash-phone-slash-cellphone-slash-emailinbox.

Since I strongly believe everything happens for a reason:

From when I first saw my result slip on March 5th,

To when I decided that local courses do not interest me.

Until I saw that Scholarships healthcare brochure,

And it dawned on me that Speech Pathology was what I was interested in.

Yet, I could not afford a foreign education, and my grades weren't ace enough to earn me that scholarhsip.

In addition my parents were objective to me going to a foreign land alone.

Until I checked out NTU open house.

That's when Smelly dragged me to the Linguistics and Multilingual Studies booth I mentioned I was vaguely interested in.

And I put it as first choice.

Got my interview after a hell of a wait.

To in fact, get a rejection letter.

So yeah. I'm pretty much lost, still. And terrified.

I feel like this mouse scientists inject with some weird psychological potion from a green syringe and toss randomly into a maze box for me to find my way from the start point to the end point where the GINORMOUS slice of cedar cheese lies.

Dingue. Et delirious.

Parfait.

Hello there, fat kitty. Don't look so sad, you're not alone; I'm very much lost myself too.