I think I screwed my interview up?

Was all nervy and didn't keep eye contact.

Did not express what I wanted to say completely. Not that the interviewer wasn't nice, she was relatively okayy, though I stammered a whole lot. Totally lost my composure. :/ Goodness.

It really sucks.

Everytime I want something really bad, it kinds of turns out horrid in the end.

WORSE. I seriously lack self-confidence.

Interviews. Tests. Oral exams.

When I received the call from ntu on wed evening, I was more scared than excited.

That was because I wanted to nail it so bad; it was my only hope of entering college, and the ONLY course here I'm ever interested in. After doing heaploads of research I began to grow more fond of the course and even excited too. Learning new languages, and it's incredible that whatever foreign language that I'm learning would actually help in my studies!

Then came Friday the big day.

I went to the room, did my essay with 20 odd people, and it's evident; majority of them being Arts students. Well-dressed, eloquent, fluent English-speakers.

As I sat there waiting for my name to be called, I was OVERWHELMED with fear please?

Majority of them look so composed, confident. Personally, I kept my cool on the outside, but actually inside I was dying.

I could feel this HUGE monster called Anxiety swallowing me whole.

Inside, this assistant prof was quite nice I guess.

Yet I have no idea why I still lost my cool.

Couldn't remember what I wanted to say.

Couldn't express myself properly.

Got the jitters.

Didn't emphasize my points enough, and elaborated only so little.

Overall, if not for the interview, I think I would feel relatively better?

When I asked for the rough timing for confirmation letter, the prof actually said she couldn't give me a confirmed answer, but usually and basically, it's 2 weeks to a month to wait for the college to send a letter of confirmation or letter of rejection, and if the next course of your choice calls you down for an interview, means you've probably been rolled down?

Who in the world would mention that, unless you are not being considered.

Personally I took it as a hint, that I was rejected right away. I mean, wouldn't anybody?

I don't think I'm being overly paranoid. Gosh when I told my cousin, she kind of agreed with me even!

And usually, during the interview, I thought the interviewer would elaborate a lot on the course details if he/she's keen? During the course of my interview there was no such thing!

I think I'd better just pray and wait for the letter to come.

Since this is the only one I'm really interested in, and I believe that if I choose just anything that would get me into a university without having any interest or passion at all, I'll probably just die, not even halfway through the 4 years stay.

If anything happens, I'd probably retake my As as private candidate.

TOUCHWOOD.

Yet at the end of the day, what made me feel even worse for not getting into a college, is the disappointment brought upon my parents. Mom especially.

Her words from yesterday are still ringing in my ears.

I'll just pray and wait for the best.

Have faith.

It's been too damn long since I last updated. So long, I don't even know where to start.

HOHO. All the events that happened, however MAJOR: A levels/prom/Chirstmas/CNY/birthdays/job or MINOR: study dates with random people/gossip/kilos of fat that have recently taken residence up my ass; oh wait. That kinda belongs in the MAJOR section.

Anyways. Yeah. I have no idea how to update. A levels has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, and the results...

average.

I'm like, left hanging, right now I just pray to enter LMS at NTU. It's what I really want, and God knows what else I'd go for; Singapore doesn't really have that wide an array of courses for us to pick from. Applied for NYP healthcare courses, though there wasn't a Speech Pathology course I really wanted; not that I could afford a foreign education anyways. Anyways, I got through; told that I was accepted into Occupational Therapy though I never saw the letter of acceptance.

And of course, I applied for the retaking of As as a private candidate.

Yes. The nightmare all over again.

Why?

I figured, I'd stand a higher chance of entry, and have more choices, needless to say. Of course, if need arises, I can always apply for a scholarship and fly away. Tch. As if my results will ever be THAT great. And as if Mom would ever allow it.

Just praying that I receive my letter asking me to go down for interview for LMS soon. ):

Oh, and yes, I', finally done with my contract, working at CPF.

Shan't elaborate on anything, but yeah. It was memorable while it lasted.

Awesome colleagues but awful smells.

FTW!

(Pictures later)

Hmm. What else.

Oh yes, my face became rounder.

(No surprise actually, feasting everyday after work with colleagues. LOL.)

...

Kind of don't know what else to add; shall let my pictures do the talking.

OH! Speaking of which I bought myself my dream camera (like finally right. Tsk.)

And I think my bank account's stagnant.

Finally updated my iPod.

iPad's out, looks just like a giant iTouch.

Which again, reminds me of VANI, who hasn't been in contact with us ever since A levels. (Hello, if you're reading this, probability of which is one out of a million, you'd better prepare a good explanation when I see you. Honestly.)

Dear xua's off to China. Aunt's kinda threatening her to stay there. And she might never come back. Funny how this is all so unexpected; it doesn't even feel like she's going away for good, but for a long long holiday, since she always does. Okay not so funny after all, miss the nut like mad. I pray she comes back. FAST. You know, we have yet to take a clique photo? Complete with all 5 of us? Okay, so I give you some time, time enough for me to slim down my fat face first yeah. Oh god just come back soon. ):

A lot'e been going on at work; some of which really annoys the hell out of me. And no it's nothing to do with my members or anybody's for that matter. SO unnecessary. But none of my colleagues even know this site of mine, so I reckon I'm safe here. 7 YEARS! Like seriously, and it's not even a steady income. GEEZ, stop it already. Fous-moi la paix une bonne fois pour toutes! Mon dieu.

Ahh, yes and I've started picking up French again.

From scratch.

Stagnant too; late nights from work.

NTU. Gosh.

I really want to get in D:

Sound desperate I know.

ORZ Okay that's it quit whining.

Euhm. Right now I can't think of anything else.

Time for pictures.